Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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