I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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