hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
