dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's the barista slut.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
