A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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