I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
