i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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