connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
