I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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