I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
