Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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