I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
