the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The uberlube is also flammable
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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