New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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