my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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