he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
