im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
