It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
