This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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