btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
