we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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