Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm passing your future prison.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
