do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
