Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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