you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
