He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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