So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
