he wants to bone in the snuggie
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
