I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
