Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
