at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bring me that man meat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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