you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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