If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
