she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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