YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are the jesus of drinking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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