Im at strip club and am horny
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
