Having a random hookup so left but love u
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
