I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
