I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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