well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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