I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
