I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
