beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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