There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
