The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
