Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
