So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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