You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
