Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
