like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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