I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
