after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
