Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
